I'm sitting in a local coffee shop, headphones in, Bible open on the table. I'm in my own little world with only a vague remembrance that I am, in fact, in a public place.
~ side note...it is this state of vague remembrance that continually puts me in awkward positions where I start singing or humming along to the music in my headphones, forgetful of the people around me that are not wearing headphones ~
Anyway. Today, sitting in a coffee shop, absorbed in what I'm doing, I glanced up from my own little world just in time to see the face of the man walking past my table, our eyes meet, but he quickly looks away, no acknowledgement of me. His wife had walked by already. I recognize him and so my face lights up, and I smile, starting to say hello, but he has already looked away. And then I remember, they don't talk to me anymore, they don't acknowledge me.
This kind of scenario has happened to me before. It used to make me cry, breaking and re-breaking my heart. Today, it made me smile and chuckle to myself. Odd, right? My thought that prompted the smile? "Oh that's right! You hate me now." Why did it make me smile? Because I forgot. I forgot that people hate me now (hate? maybe. strongly dislike? have contempt for? whichever). I forgot for a tiny sliver of a minute. Because I saw someone that I know, that I've cared about and when I see people, I smile at them. But they did not smile back. They avoided, ignored.
And I know why. You see, I know what they believe about me. I know what they've been told and I know what they've told other people. When confronted with this reality, I usually go to the place in my heart and mind that wants to scream truth from the rafters, find the tallest building in town and yell into a megaphone, take out a full page ad in the local paper. But lately, that hasn't been the case. I've been living in Exodus 14:14 ~ The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.
Let me be clear about one thing - I've had my share of things I've messed up. I'm not saying for a second that I haven't. But I've also heard so many things about myself in the last 12 months that just didn't happen. Things I never said, things I never did.
Here's the other thing, I've done my fair share of avoiding people this year. And I've felt justified in it, and probably still would if not for some pesky scriptures.
No joke, this is what I was reading in my Bible only moments before the awkward encounter:
1 John 4:7-12, 17-19
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.
I was reminding myself that the command to love doesn't come with exceptions. It doesn't get to be put up on the shelf because I'm uncomfortable or afraid or feel justified in my actions or attitudes. I believe that God desires for us to live real. And in reality, I don't want to sit down with some people and be fake and talk about kids and the weather. And I don't want to rehash the past and try to figure out who's right and who's wrong and to what degree, etc, etc. I do, however, think I can smile and say hi to the people God brings across my path. I don't need to be right, and I don't need to be "safe." I really just want TO BE. To live as God intended. To love and be loved. Sometimes love gives space. Sometimes we need to love from a distance. Love doesn’t mean letting someone do whatever they want to you - physically, emotionally or spiritually.
I guess this is my point. We need to figure out how to love one another. We need to figure out how to love people we disagree with, people who are frustrating to us, people that have hurt us.
John 13:34-35
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Jesus’ love was sacrificial. It was humble and did not need to be right.
As He has loved us, we must love one another. That is a difficult command to follow, apparently not an optional one, and what we are supposed to be striving for.
Today I have a new commitment to loving. And I’m realizing that in order to seriously commit to that kind of loving - loving how Jesus loves me - I need to figure some stuff out, and lay some stuff down. I know this...I want to smile at people. I want to acknowledge them. I think that's (literally) the least we can do. We have some repenting to do, present company included.