I stumbled on this quote today...
I feel like I've needed these words for a long time. In our house we have some pretty serious rules that govern everything we do.
~ people deserve to be treated with respect
~ our home has to be safe for each and every one of us
~ feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. We get to feel whatever is there, we don't get to do whatever we want with those feelings. Behaviors are right or wrong, feelings exist.
~ these principles are in effect for all people and in all circumstances
4 simple statements that really, truly cover everything we need. Our kids don't hit each other {very often!}. They don't scream at each other {except for every once in a while} and our kids always share what's in their hearts {except for when they forget they're safe}. We're not a perfect family, we're a real family. But things like hitting and screaming mean words aren't allowed. When it happens, the wayward child is not met with hitting or screaming punishment and shame, but with a question or two...
Do you think hitting your sister made her feel safe or unsafe? Respected or disrespected?
If someone yelled mean words at you, do you think you'd feel respected and valued? Do you think you would feel safe to share?
And this works wonderfully! Seriously, I LOVE our home. It's a safe place for everyone to be vulnerable. It's a safe place to make mistakes.
The problem is when my kids take these principles outside our home...which is what we've always expected them to do. And it stinks when they get stomped on. It hurts when their respect and love towards others is met with contempt and pain. Gary and I have honestly had conversations where we wonder if we're doing it wrong...not preparing them for the world. But we always settle back to where we feel God led us.
Our house needs to be a place that is safe and everyone feels respected and valued.
This quote gave me a little boost of confidence this morning that I didn't even realize I needed. It's probably worth reading again...
“It's not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.”
― L.R. Knost, Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting Through the Ages and StagesI feel like I've needed these words for a long time. In our house we have some pretty serious rules that govern everything we do.
~ people deserve to be treated with respect
~ our home has to be safe for each and every one of us
~ feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. We get to feel whatever is there, we don't get to do whatever we want with those feelings. Behaviors are right or wrong, feelings exist.
~ these principles are in effect for all people and in all circumstances
4 simple statements that really, truly cover everything we need. Our kids don't hit each other {very often!}. They don't scream at each other {except for every once in a while} and our kids always share what's in their hearts {except for when they forget they're safe}. We're not a perfect family, we're a real family. But things like hitting and screaming mean words aren't allowed. When it happens, the wayward child is not met with hitting or screaming punishment and shame, but with a question or two...
Do you think hitting your sister made her feel safe or unsafe? Respected or disrespected?
If someone yelled mean words at you, do you think you'd feel respected and valued? Do you think you would feel safe to share?
And this works wonderfully! Seriously, I LOVE our home. It's a safe place for everyone to be vulnerable. It's a safe place to make mistakes.
The problem is when my kids take these principles outside our home...which is what we've always expected them to do. And it stinks when they get stomped on. It hurts when their respect and love towards others is met with contempt and pain. Gary and I have honestly had conversations where we wonder if we're doing it wrong...not preparing them for the world. But we always settle back to where we feel God led us.
Our house needs to be a place that is safe and everyone feels respected and valued.
This quote gave me a little boost of confidence this morning that I didn't even realize I needed. It's probably worth reading again...