Racism, alive and well in the EC.

Last week something ugly happened to my son and I've put off writing about it for a few different reasons that don't really matter. Here's the reason I'm writing this morning, because I'm still waking up thinking about it and because it matters. I'm going to use harsh language today. If you don't like that, you should stop reading. I'm going to be real and raw. If you don't like that, you should stop reading. I'm NOT going to give you any details that would reveal who did what. If you are looking for that, you should stop reading.

About a week ago my son was at a practice and as he was running, surpassing those around him, even the older boys, someone yelled out to him "Why don't you run all the way back to your slave master!"

Why don't you run all the way back to your slave master. 

Read it again. Let it sink in. Don't rush past the ugliness. Picture my sweet son's face as you read it. Think about his determination, skill, hard work, commitment to athletics, hours upon hours of practice and pushing himself -- think about those things and then read it again.

It's important to think about WHY it happened. The context in which it happened. My son was winning, succeeding, surpassing the other boys. And what boiled up inside one of those boys was contempt. It was "I don't like that he is best at this." And a decision was made, probably an unconscious decision, to put my son in his place. To tell him that it doesn't matter how fast you run, how successful you are, I will always be better than you and YOU should know your place. And your place? It is below me. THAT is what drives a young man to shout something so hateful and demeaning to someone that he knows, has known, and will continue to play and compete with.

Here's the beautiful part. Our son did not hear it, but another boy did and was so bothered by it that he went home and told his mom. I can't help but think of the Mr. Rogers quote:

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

It encourages me that someone else, someone white, could not leave this alone. He could not let it go unnoticed. Thank you young friend. 

Here's the painful part. Talking to our son about it. I didn't want to. I wanted to spare him that pain. I didn't want him to know that someone he competes with would do that. I didn't want him to walk into interactions with this other boy knowing what he had said. But we had to. We had to inform him, equip him, prepare him. We had to explain where that comes from, the importance of seeing that it happened because he was excelling and people don't like that. We had to explain to him that we do not let the spirit in which those ugly words were uttered, we do not let that spirit win. We had to explain that those kinds of words have been used for centuries to hold people back, to put them down, to slow them down. We had to tell him that consciously or unconsciously, that was an attempt to slow him down. We had to explain that minorities, women, homosexuals, disabled individuals, that some of them have been so beaten down by words that they've stopped giving all they had. They slowed down their running just a bit to avoid that pain. They've backed off the academics just a little to make others more comfortable. They've held back their words to silence the hate. And then we had to tell him that he does not get to do that. 

We told him that he has God given talent and skill and he has worked so hard and that is an amazing combination, talent and hard work. We told him that we don't give a shit how ugly it gets, we will be standing alongside him, in front of him, behind him, protecting him, fighting for him, silencing any hatred that comes his way. Because f**k you racism. F**k you. You do not get to win. 

As our kids were growing up, before we ever knew we would be a bi-racial family, we purposely exposed our kids to people different than us. We bought dolls and action figures that were all races and both genders. We spent time with people that practiced a different religion or were from a different culture than what is the norm in Northwestern Wisconsin. We wanted them to know that there is a whole wide world of people out there that are different from us. They are not better or worse than us, they are different. But that was not enough. We had to talk about it. As they grew we had to be intentional about talking about the differences in how we look, think and act, but that underneath it all, we are humans. We are loved by God, we are the same. We had to talk about how some people don't understand that, and are mean and ugly with that misunderstanding. 

Here's the point...it is not enough to NOT be racist, sexist, homophobic, etc. You have to talk about it with your kids (Or your neighbors, your parents, your friends, your co-workers). We have to talk about it. We cannot pretend it doesn't exist anymore. It does. 

Both Gary and I have had very recent conversations with students while studying things like the Holocaust that center around their frustration that we have to study such topics. "Why does it even matter anymore? No one thinks that way anymore! No one here in Wisconsin thinks that way." I've actually been a little encouraged by that, loving that young people see racism as something old and antiquated. My response is always, "It matters, it still exists, and we must never forget where hate will take us." And then a member of their generation told my son to run back to his slave master. Let me tell you first hand: Racism is not dead. It still exists. Even in young people. Even in Eau Claire, WI. 

So here's my challenge. Have some conversations with the people in your world. Stop the person telling the inappropriate joke. Confront fear in the people you know, and maybe take a look into the mirror and see what still exists in you. Fight this ugliness with me. 

love > free time

This has been one heck of a week at Casa Clark. Gary has some weird upper back/neck thing going on and has been on meds since Tuesday. He can’t drive while on these meds and he can’t tolerate the pain without the meds. So I have been doing all of the driving and running this week, which is usually a lot because we have 4 teenagers, but then every once in a while there’s a day that I like to call “the perfect storm.” This is a day when they all have stuff going on and it’s a bit crazy. Today was a perfect storm day. Now these are kind of stressful when we have 2 drivers. When Mason lived with us we had 3 drivers, which was so wonderful. But today’s perfect storm involved just 1 driver. Me. Here’s how it went down.

*Please note, decisions were made. They weren’t all good ones. No judgment please. 

3:40pm – I left the school I was subbing at to go pick up Gary and Noah

4:00pm – dropped Gary off at the clinic for an urgent care visit, pain was worsening

4:05pm – pull into Taco Bell, I hadn’t had lunch and was super hungry

4:17pm – finally put my order in. They were a bit slow today

4:25pm – pull away from Taco Bell with a couple of cheesy melts

4:35pm – drop off Noah at home with instructions to eat dinner and Mom will be back in an hour

4:45pm – pick up Gary at clinic

5:07pm – arrive at CVS to fill prescriptions

5:20pm – text Gary (who is in the store) wondering how much longer it’s going to be

5:24pm – leave CVS

5:31pm – drop off Gary at home, pick up Noah from home

5:45pm – drop Noah off at his school for the play

6:00pm – pick up Nahom and his buddy from school after basketball practice 

6:15pm – drop off the buddy at his house

6:17pm – arrive at home BATHROOM BREAK and a quick chat with Gary, tell the girls and Nahom they have 13 minutes until we leave

6:20pm – answer the 3^rd kid who is asking when we are leaving

6:30pm – leave the house with Nahom, Hannah & Molly

6:43pm – drop off Hannah & Molly at the middle school so they can watch their friends in the band concert

6:57pm – arrive to Nahom’s 2^nd basketball practice of the night EARLY. Decide to stop at the drive thru at Culvers. Nahom gets a small chocolate shake, I get a large Diet Dr Pepper

7:10pm – arrive at practice on the south side of town

7:15pm – attend parent meeting for basketball

7:35pm – leave the meeting 

7:36pm – decide to listen to my new Jordan Smith Christmas album because I can

7:50pm – arrive back at middle school (my third time here) and pick up the girls from the band concert

8:02pm – drop the girls off at home

8:11pm – almost hit a cat that runs across the highway

8:11 and 05 seconds pm – yell at the cat “Dude! Get out of the road!”

8:15pm – arrive back at Nahom’s practice EARLY

8:20pm – hit the drive thru at Fazoli’s for a sweet treat

8:30pm – arrive back at Nahom’s practice AGAIN, right on time

8:35pm – Nahom comes out from practice, a few minutes late

8:36pm – explain to Nahom that you can listen to Christmas music whenever you want. Yes, even if Thanksgiving hasn’t come yet. Yes, I’m sure. 

8:43pm – arrive at the high school to pick up Noah, he’s not outside

8:44pm – RUN into the high school to use the restroom because that was a really big Diet Dr Pepper

8:47pm – find a phone in the bathroom while washing my hands

8:59pm – arrive home with my boys, listening to Christmas music with the window rolled down because Noah was hot

3:40-9:00pm in the car with a 13 minute break at home. I could have made it to Racine in that time! 

I love that our kids are involved in activities and while this sometimes means a crazy amount of running around town (and maybe back and forth to the same places!) I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Also, I can’t wait for my boys to start driving! 

Now off to bed, because for some added fun, Nahom and his buddy have morning practice tomorrow and we have to leave the house by 6:05am. 

I have a day after election favor to ask of you...

Well, here are my post-election thoughts. Sadness, disappointment and frustration. But honestly, those were my pre-election thoughts too. If you read my little blog you know I was, and I guess continue to be, a Bernie Sanders supporter. He wanted change and he’s not hateful. So, kind of a win-win if you ask me. But that’s not what happened. What DID happen is that we elected Donald Trump our president last night. And I have all the feels about it. And it’s hard to watch people celebrating it. I wish it wasn’t, but it really is. I believe in voting your convictions, voting what you are convinced is best. I also believe in standing up to racism, sexism, xenophobia. I believe in living out the Gospel by loving people and caring for them with our time, energy, money and heart.

So here is my humble opinion about what happened, what brought us to the place we are now.

1.     The DNC blew it. BIG.TIME. They didn’t listen to the people. They didn’t hear them saying “WE WANT CHANGE. REAL CHANGE.” I think the DNC thought they knew their base but they didn’t see the frustration there. Here are my Hillary thoughts: I don’t think she’s as crooked as they’d like you to think. I think that 1,000 male politicians have done what she’s done (and far worse) and it’s been ignored. I think her sex DID have a lot to do with her being aligned against. I think she was held to a higher standard because she’s a woman. And I think she’s messed some stuff up. Personally, I would LOVE to see a woman elected President of these United States. It WILL happen and I CANNOT wait. But I am not a fan political dynasties, the families that just keep getting elected to office over and over again. Sorry, but the Kennedy’s, the Bush’s and the Clinton’s just starts to feel, well, elitist. Which brings me back to Bernie. OK, moving on…

2.     Unfortunately there is so much more racism that exists in our country than we’d like to think. And I know what you’re going to say…we just had a black President, how can you say that there is racism in our country. I think the best way I can say it is that there should’ve been a larger outcry. I think we as a country have made it further than ever before, but it’s not as far as we’d like to think. Not by a longshot. I’ve heard some of you complain about having to be politically correct. Ummm…no….we’re asking you to not be an asshole. Worship the way you want, live your life the way you want, marry who you want, hire who you want, live in the neighborhood you want. I’ve watched this weird outcry from the evangelical world saying their way of life is at risk. No, it isn’t. But other people’s way of life is. No one in the government is telling you what you can or can’t preach. Stop pretending that they are. Sorry, getting a bit off track. Here’s my point: as Christians we should have collectively stood up and said, NO. It’s not worth it. We will not align ourselves with someone who mocks the handicapped, who brags about grabbing a woman’s p***y (sorry, I won’t type out that word), who calls our Latino/a brothers rapists, who threatens to send immigrants back where they came from (if you’re white in America, you are or you came from an immigrant…even you Mr. Trump). Now, I can hear what some of you are saying right now…some of these were taken out of context. Maybe. Maybe not. Hold on, keep reading, I’ll get there. SO, did Trump get elected because of racism? In part, yes. In whole? No. But definitely in part. And you can’t deny that. There are people that voted for him because of the deep and unhidden racism they spew, and that’s just a fact. And I haven’t even touched on the sexual assault stuff.

3.     The 3^rd reason I see is that there are people that just truly are fed up with our government. They’re not racists, they don’t think sexual assault is no big deal. They really voted their conscience. Ok. They wanted a political outsider. The fact that Trump has no civil service experience, never served in our military, has never won any sort of election, those things don’t bother them, those things may have even been an advantage in their view. Ok. That gets to be a place that we just disagree. You were fed up with the status quo, political dynasties, and the system. I get that (broken record time…Bernie Sanders, but whatever).

I know people that voted for Trump. I know people that are VERY excited this morning. And while I don’t want to take that away from you, I am hoping you can try to see things from where some of the rest of us are sitting. This was NOT politics as usual. I cannot ever remember a campaign where so many disturbing things were said and done by a candidate, beyond disturbing and right into offensive, damaging, hateful and dangerous. I was excited when Obama was elected, both times. I know a lot of people that were devastated. Here's the difference, Obama didn't spend his campaign mocking people, bragging about sexual promiscuity and assault, racially profiling or threatening specific people groups in our country. 

So here’s what I’m asking for this morning, an acknowledgement. I’m watching my facebook newsfeed bounce back and forth between jubilation and deep heartache and feelings of betrayal. If you voted for Trump because you truly felt like because of Supreme Court seats or the need for a shake-up, or whatever the reason…if you voted for him but you don’t support his actions, his attitudes, some of his words, could you just say that? Could you acknowledge that he hurt and caused pain for many people during his campaign? When you’ve been the victim of sexual assault, do you know the pain that is caused by someone joking about it (best case scenario) or admitting to it and bragging about it? Can you have sympathy for those people this morning? Because it FEELS like America just said we don’t care about your pain.

I know for some of you “Make America Great Again” is a really encouraging slogan. It takes you back to times of a strong economy, mom’s staying home with kiddos making homemade bread, and that whole “playing in the neighborhood until the street lights come on” thing. I’m glad that’s what you think about when you hear that slogan. That’s not what it means to a whole bunch of other people. When you say Make America Great Again, they hear one or more of these things:

Back to when minorities knew their place (Jim Crow laws).

Back to when women knew their place (not taken seriously as employees, open to widespread sexual harassment in the workplace, no place to report date rape, this list goes on and on).

Back to when it was socially acceptable and expected to pay minorities less money for the same job.

Back to when women had abortions in back alleys (because it’s GOING to happen, whether we want it to or not, abortions will not go away).

Back to when white children and black children did not attend school together.

Back to when people with disabilities were dismissed, sent away, mocked, scorned and isolated from the rest of society.

Back to when being gay meant hiding for fear of physical or sexual assault. (This one’s not gone yet, either)

Back to when people who’ve had a cancer diagnosis will struggle to find insurance coverage, if they ever can.

Back to a time when the United States stood by and watched millions of people die in concentration camps.

The list goes on and on.

I know you could argue this point or that. I know that my friends that voted for Trump didn’t do so to send us back to dark places. I know that. But can you, please, take some time today to think about what it feels like for some? Can you quietly reflect on the realness of their fear? Can you reach out, privately, peacefully, and say, I’m with you. I won’t stand idly by and watch years of progress be wiped away. I won’t stand for inequality. I won’t let your voice as survivor be quieted. I’m not ok with {fill in the blank} that Trump said or did. I voted for him because I felt like I should. But I don’t think it’s ok to grab a woman by her p***y just because you can get away with it. I don’t stand for that.

We have a friend that Gary knows far better than I, but that we both respect very much. He’s a hardcore Conservative. And he struggled during this election. And he was OPEN about his struggle. He didn’t excuse Trump’s behavior away. I don’t know who he ended up voting for, but you know what, I don’t care. Because I KNOW his struggle and I KNOW his heart, because he shared it. This morning he texted Gary and told him to hug Noah for him, to reassure him. Because he knows Noah, and cares about Noah, and knows that Noah would be devastated by Trump’s election. And he was right. Noah is devastated, not because we told him to be, not because he’s been raised to be a Democrat (he hasn’t been). Because he’s been raised to treat people with respect. He’s been told and lived in the reality that you don’t treat people that way and get away with it, and you certainly don’t get rewarded for it. He cannot fathom that Trump was elected. He genuinely believed that America would say no to that. And he is heartbroken and angry. We spent this morning trying to explain to him why some of you voted for Trump, explaining that you are not hateful, NOT AT ALL, but that you did what you felt was best for the long term.

If you voted for Trump and are happy that he got elected, you get to be. Can you reach out to someone you know isn’t excited? Someone who feels scared? Someone who feels at risk? Someone who feels betrayed? Can you tell them that you are not ok with hate speech? With mocking? With sexual assault?

People who didn’t vote for Trump. If someone contacts you with this kind of message, can you accept it? Can you say, thank you? Can you “agree to disagree” with the people in your life and then…

LET’S GET TO WORK!! There is much to be done. There is love to spread. There is hate to squash. There is so much progress yet to be made. Here’s the truth – one person in one elected office cannot undo 50 years of growth. One person elected didn’t make it happen and one person elected can’t undo it. The growth and change happened because of people like you and me. It happened because of relationship. It happened from a lot of hard work, difficult conversations, facing uncomfortable truths. WE made change happen. WE worked for it, fought for it and WE ARE GOING TO KEEP FIGHTING. Love wins. It sometimes loses the battle, but always wins the war!!

Let’s go!